And so by popular demand, I’ll be giving some insight into the foundations of my person...hahaha, this is going to be hard! I sure didn’t expect this topic to get the most attention, who sent me? Lol! Anywayz, in the spirit of staying true to self and being honorable, here goes.
I don’t think I have shared this side of me before. So, you all reading this, my close knit ‘AmakaCay’ community are truly special…*group hug*
I was the last child of my family for 5 years, and in those years the world revolved around me or so I thought. I was spoilt silly with attention especially from my Dad who always showered me with compliments and reacted to every sound I made. This became my frame of reference as I was told I would throw a fit if I wasn’t the focus of attention and so I grew up expecting everything to be about only 3 people: ME and MYSELF and I. Boy, did I enjoy the compliments (I still do😊).
As a growing toddler, I quickly made the correlation between doing well (domestically, academically, socially, morally) and glowing accolades and compliments and unconsciously my standards were set. The goal became: BE THE BEST, EXCEL IN ALL AREAS (WHETHER AT HOME, SCHOOL, CHURCH, WHEREVER), GET SHOWERED WITH COMPLIMENTS AND BECOME THE EXEMPLARY CHILD EVERY PARENT WANTS THEIR CHILD TO BE LIKE.
Self-inflicted pressure right there! Lol! Whenever I fell short I would be so hard on myself because I felt I was letting down my parents or my teachers or the world…hahaha! Now all these decisions and actions were made unconsciously as I’m only now able to draw these conclusions and piece them together in retrospect. I just wonder why it didn’t occur to me that it really wasn’t about me letting them down or them getting disappointed but more about how I wanted them to always see me (perception). No doubt children are expected to conform to standards set by authorities (at home, school, wherever) and while some will, others may struggle. The spotlight is usually on those that struggle while those who toe the proverbial line are never really engaged to understand their motives or state of mind at least not until they crack. I digress, back to my story.
It got much tougher to keep up with this pursuit of perfection as I progressed in secondary school. For starters, it was getting increasingly competitive to stay top 5 in class, everyone seemed to be bringing on their ‘A’ game, social activities were beginning to be a distraction and I was really just getting tired of carrying this huge weight on my shoulders which seemed to be crushing me or maybe I wasn’t getting commensurate attention, i'm really not sure which it was, perhaps, a combination of all. Sometimes, it felt like I was a lead character in some unending stage play, it just didn’t feel natural.
And so, unconsciously, I started to rebel in little ways and disobey some laid down house rules and of course, i got scolded more often. And on this fateful day, during one of the scolding sessions, i talked back rudely at my mum (of blessed memory)! Even I thought I had gone mad….lol! Now, my mum was the perfect blend of sweet and strict. She loved hard and disciplined even harder…so let’s not go into details of how that ended. Lol! But that liver came from a place and a part of me I didn’t know existed. I was like where did that come from? I became conscious of the fact that I probably had another side of me I had silenced all these years and was eager to explore that side of me some more.
I can tell you are still reading in the hope that this will be a huge exposé of a series of escapades….hehehehe...you are wrong!
I explored this 'rebellious' side and got into some more trouble that I’m not so proud of but of which I’m glad I did because I would forever have wondered or have been scared of that side creeping out again. I can say that I’m a more balanced individual having swung from far right to the left and found my sweet spot of becoming an individual with high standards (set by me) and who can lower those standards or redefine them when necessary because life is for living….i like to call it FREEDOM WITHIN FORM.
I guess the moral of my story is that equal attention should be given to every child whether very well behaved or ‘badly’ behaved. Children need to be constantly and actively engaged especially in this digital age to get into their minds, understand their thoughts, actions and even silence in order to see things from their perspectives ultimately to guide them better.
Wheeeeewww! That definitely wasn’t as hard as I thought…hahaha! I’m quite private, imperfect and don’t deal very well with public criticism so sharing my personal story colored with my flaws was a huge step to take but it sure felt good to be vulnerable and open.
In my next post, I shall be fast forwarding all the way to my ‘present’ and will be sharing my relocation journey so far and launching a series called 'FIRSTS'. Who’s excited? I am 😀
As always, happy reading, drop your comments about something that this post has triggered or inspired and don’t forget to share with a friend or two *wink wink*
Was really looking forward to the escapades so I can compare and contrast with the always cool and collected Amaka that I know. 😎I But seriously I identify with parts of the story, the self pressure to always be "good" to receive accolades During teenage years, this became quite difficult to reconcile with external pressures to belong, cue in boys, make up, etc 😁😁😁resulting in internal struggles hence the rebellious phase. I completely agree with the need to give each child due attention and not just focus on the bad ones thinking the good ones will always be good
😂😂 who would have thought of you as a rebel. Thinking about it, I don’t think I was rebellious growing up, I must have been a dry child lol. I can’t wait for the series 'Firsts’ and thanks for sharing these private moments with us 🤗
🤣🤣🤣. This reminds me sooo much of my JSS 2 days. That was when I explored my rebellious side 🤐🤐🤐. I won't lie, so much satisfaction comes from rebellion, regardless of some consequences. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for allowing yourself the vulnerability it took to write this. I definitely loved reading it. The series 'Firsts' sounds like it'll be even more interesting. I can't wait to read more of your story. Well done!
Fast read. 😁. I was half hoping and half fearing there’d be escapades 😃. This read is a hood reminder to remember the things we feared or went through as children and empathize with our children even as we try to guide them to grow into strong, confident, loving people